Reviews

Horror Fest - Night Two

Night Two:
The wife and I are currently recovering from night two of Horror Fest and getting ready for the third and final night. If theater owners are wondering why ticket sales are down, or blaming internet downloads, they need look no further than their own theaters. While last nights audience wasn’t as bad as Friday’s it was still inexcusable. Numerous times people would have full-blown conversations on cell phones or with their companions. There was the couple in front of me so stinking drunk they could barely walk up and down the stairs… which they did numerous times throughout the movie. A group of kids who all brought their own bag of Doritos making the theater sound like they were unwrapping birthday presents. It’s one thing to try and quiet two people talking during a movie. It’s another when the whole theater is doing it. I don’t have this problem when I go to the Baxter Ave Theater. My personal favorite was having to tell an employee the picture was not in focus for the third film of the night. His response (after staring blankly slack jawed), “I dunno. Maybe tell a manager.” Thanks slugger.

Want to hear about the movies? Me too.

Penny Dreadful: Penny Dreadful wins for most ironic title. This movie is fucking Dreadful. Have you ever wanted to watch Rachel Miner (Macaulay Culkin’s ex-wife oohhhh) scream inside a BMW for a solid hour and some change? Me neither, but I did. The story is about a girl (Rachel Miner) who is afraid of cars and her therapist (Mimi Rogers) who is trying to cure her. They pick up a hitchhiker who begins to stalk them. Almost nothing happens in this movie. What does happen is un-watchable. There was the charming fellow in the audience wishing aloud, “I hope she masturbates.” End result: Avoid. I can’t stress this enough. The theater started about half full with only about fifteen remaining by the end credits. This movie is so boring I can’t think of anything else to say about it.

The Gravedancers: The second film of the night revolves around people who dance on graves, while paying last respects to a friend only to piss off the spirits of the graveyard. Gravedancers is stuck somewhere between The Haunting and a Scooby Doo episode. Some of the creature effects were cool while others were laughably bad. Just when I couldn’t make up mind how I felt about Gravedancers the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in a movie happened. You know the movie cliché where people outrun a fireball? Gravedancers takes this to a whole new level. End result: I swear people who huff turpentine and farts made this movie. Like Dark Ride, Gravedancers can be a fun late night flick amongst friends and a six-pack. Rent it if you can find it cheap. Make sure to have low expectations.

The Abandoned: Third and final film of the night. I’m starting to see a pattern with Horror Fest. Each night contains one un-watchable movie, one dumb but in some manner enjoyable movie and one well thought out/genuinely good movie. The Abandoned is a genuinely good movie. Not just a good horror movie but a good movie. An adopted woman finds herself back in Russia tracing her roots. When she finds the house she once lived in as a baby she also learns of her family’s violent past. My friend, Tim and I were both engrossed by the story and characters. The film has a heavy doomed and foreboding atmosphere. The scares don’t come from jumps but from the story itself and the surrounding gloom. I don’t want to tell you too much about the story. I’d rather viewers go in as blind as I was. End Result: Do you like 70’s or Euro horror? This movie is for you. Seriously, just give this movie a chance and you’ll be pleasantly surprised. When The Abandoned hits DVD or you get a chance to see it on the big screen, just go.

Tonight is night three. Please let one of these films be good.
Expect a write up tomorrow
Andy