Reviews

World Trade Center

I don’t have the attention span to write a lead in for this review. Instead I’ll tell you the truth. I’m still on vacation. I just drank numerous beers. I watched World Trade Center almost a week ago and have been putting off writing anything about it. Tonight I came to the conclusion if Oliver Stone is going to make a sloppy movie I’ll write a sloppy drunk review. Honestly I’m surprised my typing skills are holding up. I’d like to thank spell check for that.

One of the things I wanted to say before going into the review is this in no way a commentary on September 11th. This is commentary on a shitty movie. I want to like Nicholas Cage, I realy do. I know the guy can act. I’ve watched Adaptation, Raising Arizona and Leaving Las Vegas so I know the motherfucker can act. Why does he keep making shitty movies? Does he think the offers will stop coming so he takes every Con Air that crosses his path. Motherfuck sweet fucking Christ, stop it already. Here is my promise to you, sweet reader. I will take a punch to the face before watching Nicholas Cage in World Trade Center Again. Watching his dopey, half awake performance made me want to shit fire ants. Why? Because shitting fire ants would be more enjoyable.

This movie makes me want to step on infants. If I had to make a list of reasons why Nicholas Cage would be number two. Number one would be all the over the top bullshit that made World Trade Center look like a Lifetime movie of the week. Fuck! The women in this movie practically read their lines off a card. The imaginary conversations the men have with their wives while traped in the rubble made me start my period. That’s not to say these real life men are sisses… I’m just not buyin this depiction.

If I had to say something nice about this movie it’s Michael Pena is underused. I pray this review finds its way to some casting agent who realizes Pena needs to be appearing in more movies. Fans of The Shield will know what I’m talking about.

Look, I’m on vacation. I’ve been playing cards and chugging beer for hours while it pisses rain outside. Right now my choices are to finish my current beer and watch Fast Times At Ridgemont High or type more nonsensical trash about Oliver Stone who hasn’t entertained me since JFK.
Watch United 93 when it hits DVD. Paul Greengrass is more talented. WTC feels forced and it’s boring. Time to watch Judge Reinhold. Judge Reinhold who beat out Nicholas Cage to act in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

4/10
Andy

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